The other day I was running some errands in town while it was raining heavily and because I felt no need to get my stupidly baggy jeans even more wet I ducked into a tiny coffee shop I hadn’t noticed before.
I actually don’t tend to frequent coffee shops all that much because I object to paying over the odds for something I can make equally as well at home. I know the atmosphere isn’t the same but unless I have a mac book, or a compilation of haiku poetry with which I can sit in the corner while alternately looking up into the distance and sighing wistfully I feel out of place. It’s like they know I don’t read poetry, own an Apple product or *always* drink fair trade and for this they want to cut me. I better not tell them I’m a former vegetarian..
Anyway, I took my turn in the queue and the lady before me placed her order of ‘double tall, extra hot, half decaf hazelnut soy skim latte with added foam’ and immediately my brain flat lined in much the same manner as if I had just opened the Sunday Times crossword before being fully awake.
I think secretly, in the coffee shops around the world, there is a little competition running for the customer with the most ostentatious order and I’m waiting for the bells to ring, lights to flash and for confetti to fall from the ceiling but alas this lady must not be the winner today because the baristas bored expression remained unchanged as she notes down the order. She then looks up at me with the simple raised eyebrow indicating it is now my turn to see what I can throw at her and once I have pulled my mind back from wondering if the previous order consisted of an actual, comprehensible sentence I mumble.. ‘err, latte please, big..’ I simply didn’t have enough time to concoct my own lengthy order to try my hand at winning the prize.
My next order will not be so easy I fully intend on going back in the near future and asking for a 6 inch tall, 60 degree c, quarter decaf latte with slightly off-dusk white foam made from beans which have been ground by the hooves of unicorns. With fries.